NFL Breaking News
No more rules violations! No more yellow flags. Football is defined as playing between set boundaries and if anyone goes outside the boundaries he is not really playing football so he cannot be penalized. All yellow flags will be traded in for celebratory balloons, yellow of course.
From the Business World
Man cleared of embezzling company funds. Even though he made off with over $100,000.00, the job description did not include embezzling, therefore he could not have been embezzling while doing his job.
Trainman Cleared of Negligence
The lawsuit against the railroad trainman who could have prevented a rear-end train collision was dropped recently. The trainman said it couldn’t have been his fault because he was sound asleep in the caboose at the time of the collision. In essence he was not really a "railroad trainman" at the time since trainman duties do not require sleeping in a caboose, therefore he could not have been performing trainman duties. Not my fault, mon!
Now for something completely different: (truth is stranger than the fiction above)
Truth and Reality
A PCUSA minister was cleared April 28th of performing same sex marriages, which she has done for years. Here is the RULING from the PCUSA Court:
"By the definition in W-4.9001, a same-sex ceremony can never be a marriage," the higher court said. "The SPJC [lower court] found Spahr guilty of doing that which by definition cannot be done. One cannot characterize same-sex ceremonies as marriages for the purpose of disciplining a minister of the Word and Sacrament and at the same time declare that such ceremonies are not marriages for legal or ecclesiastical purposes."
Therefore, she has committed no offense by marrying these couples since by definition she cannot be performing marriages since same-sex marriages are not marriages. She has indicated that she will continue to perform these marriages......that are not marriages according to the PCUSA.
"Kyrie Eleison"..Lord have mercy!